Friday, February 22, 2008

SEND

Not long ago, I drank my own personal brand of Kool-Aid (figuratively, not literally ;-) and got brave as hell in the middle of the night. Before I understood what I was doing, I had done it and was subsequently pitched into an abyss that though not quite bottomless, led to a freefall that lasted the rest of the night and much of the morning. Happily, in the end there was minimal trauma and very soon thereafter I found there was never any reason to worry...wouldn't it be nice if hindsight showed up much, much earlier? I hope you enjoy my temporary insanity....


SEND

I clicked the send button, and away flew my confidence
on an unseen wind, that I knew would bring turbulence.
For rashly I’d acted on a whim, now there was evidence
of all that I felt, but had not shared; due to common sense.

The circumstance was, he was my friend who I adored;
but the fact of the matter was, he was oh so much more.
By clicking that button who knew what I’d done;
but I can’t take it back and I’ve nowhere to run.

Metaphorically you see, I’d created an incision
down the center of my heart with surgeon-like precision.
Consequently I’d displayed, for my adored friend to see
my chest filled with hopes, that I’d owned secretly.

Pushing that button had made available for his inspection
the real me, my desires, and my inadvertent deception.
In light of all this I felt ill and quite sick,
And I wished I could pretend it had all been for kicks.

Only seconds ago, clicking send had seemed right
but now I’m stressed out, there’ll be no sleeping tonight.
How to retract it, and keep my friend near
the answer to this dilemma, I’d give everything to hear.

The internet, previously the love of my life
had snagged and betrayed me, and caused me great strife.
To take it all back and return to status quo
for that I’d do anything, I want you to know.

“But wait”, I said, “Wait!”, as a new thought came through
“nothing ventured -- nothing gained”, an old lesson NOT new.
YOU are a catch!”, I told myself then
“and if he can’t see that, then you’re better off friends.”

So though I’m still waiting to hear what he’ll say
I’m no longer dreading things not going my way
If he doesn’t feel the same way that I do
it’ll be his loss not mine, and I know this is true.

I pushed that damned send button, and I’m glad that I did
why sit hoping and praying instead of making my bid.
The worst that can happen is that we’ll cease to be friends
and if that is the case, then I welcome our end.


© Sharon J. All Rights Reserved 2008

6 comments:

Mizrepresent said...

Sharon, bravo lady...i was waiting with bated breath to see where you were going...and i found out, it was a place i've been. Loved it!

Lovebabz said...

Oh this is wonderful! There is only Love or Fear. You have chosen Love. What does it matter what the response is. You have walked out on faith and that is the real gift. Whatever comes back will be fine and as it should be.

Kai C. said...

excellent!

Rich said...

yeah, I like that right there. I have had similar apprehensions surrounding other life events, so I can definitely relate.

lea78 said...

awww the debate of the heart is a tricky one.

BloggersDelight said...

Sending in the real world or Cyber world seems to evoke similar responses. Wonderful!