Saturday, December 8, 2007
You touched me
Not with your hands
But with your mind
You dug deep
Penetrating the core of me
Peeling away layers of pain, hope
Exposing, exploring, yet somewhat enjoying…me
You touched me
Not with your lips
And yet, your kiss I will forever remember…and forever miss
You touched me
You breathe life into a new me
My soul aches for
One more moment
One more glance into you
Because when I see, hear…you
I see, hear, feel…me
And I remember again
How you touched me.
on opposite sides.
She was looking at the wall. I was looking at the sink.
I kept wanting to be concerned about what was going through her mind, but everything in my upbringing screamed so loudly in my ear.
"What have you done?!"
"Boy you in trouble now!"
"You gonna git it!"
Why was I back in my childhood?
But through all of this,
God was silent.
I knew what I was doing. I turned heaven's volume down. Who am I kidding? I put Jesus on mute.
"I put Jesus on mute," I think I said aloud.
She was lost in her own thoughts.
I tried to think about the fleshly pleasures so recently experienced, but the three man gang of Grief, Guilt and Fear, leaned on me like the oppressing heat of the Saharan sun.
Grief reminded me that I was not who I thought I was nor who I claimed to be. He caused me to mourn the loss of my character and integrity. Said he talked to God and that He was hurt. I knew Grief was lying...and telling the truth. He convinced me that I no longer deserved life so I gave my joy to him.
Guilt went to work on my heart, causing it to thud sickly in my chest. "You're always telling other people how to live their lives, always giving advice on how to straighten up and fly right. Now you're just like the rest. Hypocrite!" The word stung like a slap in the face with a cold hand. He stabbed my mind with the knife of unworthiness, the ice pick of unrighteousness, and dug into my anemic heart with the dull jagged spoon of uncleaness. He convinced me that I was no longer worthy so I gave my confidence to him.
Fear said nothing at all, but settled in my stomach like a hot metallic ball of grease that would not allow itself to be vomited out...but made me wretch over and over. He fed the thoughts of panic about discovery and started a forest fire of humiliation and embarassment. My whole body trembled at the thought of what could be... because of what was. Without lifting my eyes, I reached deep inwardly and placed my security into his hands.
And there I sat as they circled around me, whispering to me, taunting me, assuring me that they were going nowhere.
Still there I sat, ready to be poured out onto the floor.
Then the phone rang.
Out of habit, I picked it up, connected the call and said,
"Hi Honey! Dinner will be ready when you get home and don't forget you're taking the kids to bible study tonight, 'kay?"
James 1:14, 15
©SojournerG 2007 All rights reserved
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Wrestling against its force
Unbind my mind
Put me back on course
Pray for strength against demons that lay force to my door
No, not interested…“your kegel’s tight?”…Hmm…tell me more.
Patiently they wait for me to fall into a deep lull
Taunting, teasing, offering – “I got that popping skull.”
You won’t know what hit you
Sample the album for a minute
Never long play, the harmony long gone
Left to pick up the pieces
In need of the King.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Monday, December 3, 2007
The Fusion of Souls
I did not want to want you
With efforts so strong, so obvious
I fought, avoided you fiercely
You would slowly penetrate
A barrier, a shield
I surrounded myself with
Gradually like petal falling from a flower
Something between us began to happen
Talking, laughing, playing
Layers we insulated our souls with fell
We began to see each other in a whole different light
Along the way there was always resistance
We were both apprehensive
The mystery of why were being pulled together
By forces invisible, yet strong with a tangible presence
The masks began to slide from our faces
The clarity became sharp and clear
We could see into each other’s souls
We both sensed the pain we each suffered
Then the journey of our souls began
Our souls caressed
Mentally, emotionally, we became connected
Intense feelings that could not be contained were released
Confused, reluctant, we ventured into a domain
We both had closed ourselves off from for so long
Boundaries were crossed
The freedom of flight lifted us
Physically, we joined
Going to heights, approaching edges
We knew would be risky
And we held each other through turbulence
Letting our souls touch, enmesh
In those of moments of ecstasy
Our souls began to fuse
©Shai Lynn Kai Davis
The big bang, the cosmic wheel spinning
Scientists, the holy, scholars, artists
Shakespeare, Marley, Lennon, Vandross
Touching melodies fail to harmonize it
In agony, misunderstanding, hate
The difficulty of wording through tears
Defining through ache
In it is the thundering, uproarious clatter pitting man vs. man, woman vs. woman
Passion, bliss, ecstasy, lust, desire
Electrons forever attracted to a nucleus they will never enter
It binds, bewilders, destroys, delivers us all
It is life’s sediments
Compressed under it’s pressure
It is the basic grain in us all
Maybe we’ve failed to understand it because we have made it too hard
I heard someone on the radio say:
“To live is to be loved, try not to hurt anyone and hope to fall in love”
I’m not oblivious
I need life’s unanswerable mystery
Our unresolved cause for existence
Our never-ending trek to happiness