Again

Hello my familiar Fiend.
It's been awhile since you last darkened my existence.
When you last left me,
I thought it was
forever.

I suspect you've been lurking in the background,
waiting for an opportunity to be resurrected,
to come crashing back into my life,
to suck my soul in great thirsty gulps.

I remember when we first met. You explained the darker realities of love during my youthful adolescence. You took it easy on me then, or maybe I was just naive about what you really represented. Maybe I hadn't experienced enough to realize who and what you were.

"Handle a rose carefully or you might..."

I know now.

And so you've punctuated my life, following every great love like the destruction left in an earthquake's wake,
a plague of biblical proportions raging inside of me
laying waste to me
weeping and gnashing of my internal teeth.

Don't worry. The painful path is familiar:
You greet me every morning, ghoulishly asking, "So...what are we doing today?"

It doesn't matter, because whatever it is, your mere presence messes it up . You deftly remove the concentration on my lifestyle sustaining activities, popping in and out of my mind during meetings, phone calls and emails, spreading despair like fertilizer. Many times, wrestling with you immobilizes me and I just sit there as curious co-workers pass my toilers' domicile with inquisitive looks.

You cover my existence like a wet flannel blanket in summer's heat.

I foolishly long for residential refuge as I leave my business day,as if I could get away,but you are sure to fasten your seat belt on the passenger side of my ride
and adjust the radio to something that you want to dance to
…as you accompany me there.

If the
TV
Movie
Book
Blog
Conversation
is absorbing enough,
I can escape you,but all too briefly.

Sleep...wonderful knownothingfeelnothing sleep is my only real escape. Even when I
lay me down to sleep and pray the Lord my soul to keep,
you sit on my shoulder as I toss and turn
and innocently ask, "What's wrong sweetie?"

Soon, you fade into the blackness.

While you're away,
I fly, I mean really soar,
I visit amusement parks, eat cotton candy,
I return to my childhood, riding my bike
or I experience sweet, blissful, nothingness.

But long before I'm ready, you rouse me from your customary perch and let the world come crashing back in.

"It's 3:30 AM Sweetie. So...what are we going to do today?"

Good morning Heartache.

Psalms 34:18, 147:3


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