Thursday, April 24, 2008

Again

Hello my familiar Fiend.
It's been awhile since you last darkened my existence.
When you last left me,
I thought it was
forever.


I suspect you've been lurking in the background,

waiting for an opportunity to be resurrected,
to come crashing back into my life,
to suck my soul in great thirsty gulps.

I remember when we first met. You explained the darker realities of love during my youthful adolescence. You took it easy on me then, or maybe I was just naive about what you really represented. Maybe I hadn't experienced enough to realize who and what you were.

"Handle a rose carefully or you might..."

I know now.

And so you've punctuated my life, following every great love like the destruction left in an earthquake's wake,
a plague of biblical proportions raging inside of me
laying waste to me
weeping and gnashing of my internal teeth.

Don't worry. The painful path is familiar:
You greet me every morning, ghoulishly asking,
"So...what are we doing today?"

It doesn't matter, because whatever it is, your mere presence messes it up . You deftly remove the concentration on my lifestyle sustaining activities, popping in and out of my mind during meetings, phone calls and emails, spreading despair like fertilizer. Many times, wrestling with you immobilizes me and I just sit there as curious co-workers pass my toilers' domicile with inquisitive looks.

You cover my existence like a wet flannel blanket in summer's heat.

I foolishly long for residential refuge as I leave my business day,as if I could get away,but you are sure to fasten your seat belt on the passenger side of my ride
and adjust the radio to something that you want to dance to
…as you accompany me there.

If the
TV
Movie
Book
Blog
Conversation
is absorbing enough,
I can escape you,but all too briefly.

Sleep...wonderful knownothingfeelnothing sleep is my only real escape. Even when I
lay me down to sleep and pray the Lord my soul to keep,
you sit on my shoulder as I toss and turn
and innocently ask,
"What's wrong sweetie?"

Soon, you fade into the blackness.

While you're away,
I fly, I mean really soar,
I visit amusement parks, eat cotton candy,
I return to my childhood, riding my bike
or I experience sweet, blissful, nothingness.

But long before I'm ready, you rouse me from your customary perch and let the world come crashing back in.

"It's 3:30 AM Sweetie. So...what are we going to do today?"

Good morning Heartache.

Psalms 34:18, 147:3


©SojournerG 2008 All rights reserved

8 comments:

MysTery said...

Nice.

If I only knew exactly what you were talking about...

Cause I feel this too! lol

Kai C. said...

gorgeous!

CapCity said...

Heartache is such a MUTHAHFrkah!!

Xavier Pierre Jr. said...

Oh man! Did you write this about me? No, silly me, of course not. But nonetheless, this piece is SUPERBE. And with universal applicability veiled behind "heartache" How can anyone reading this not suspect that you've been reading their private journals? You remain my esteemed samurai.

Peace and Love,

Alizé (LoversA.blogspot.com)

Sharon said...

From the very first word, my mind began to spin Billie Holiday's GOOD MORNING HEARTACHE. Though it has thankfully been a much longer period of soaring flight than I've been accustomed to in quite some time, I have been "pulled back into this state of mind more times than I care to re-visit.

Amazing as always the way you seem to reach right into the hidden places within us all and exhibit in the light of day what dwells there...

Mizrepresent said...

All too familiar...great job Soj G!

Sojourner G said...

@Mystery-I suspect you know exactly.

@Kai C.-You are always so kind. Thanks!

@CAP-Sho' you right!

@Zay-We are the family of man. Common experiences bind us together, so much so that when one is expressed, a simple nod of the head and tug at the heart is rendered in knowing agreement. it is my privilege to be your brother.

@Sharon-For sometimes better and sometimes worse, I have a timeshare there.

@Pahtnah-TOO familiar. Good that "joy commeth in the morning."

Christoph Jenkins said...

Nice!