Monday, October 15, 2007


" you want to see a picture of the baby?"

He lay lengthwise on the four poster bed, alternating his gaze between the fragrantly undulating smoke tendrils birthed by the small cone of incense on his mahogany night stand, and the cold blue steel of the Glock lying next to it.

" you want to see a picture of the baby?"

By the time he hung up the phone with "K," he had moved way beyond rage and was closing in on conviction. The ghostly dance of the smoke calmed him, made him stop, breathe and think. The gun scared him...reminded him of a lot of bad things...reminded him of things he was still capable of.

It reminded him of one fateful day that changed his life forever...

As "K" had related the phone call, she sobbed dry tears, audibly shaken by the raw emotion caused by years of emotional abuse, disappointment and solitude. This was the proverbial straw that fractured the dromedary's sacroiliac.

"Can you believe he asked me that? Then he had the nerve to ask if I was mad!" she blustered.

She was a 28 year old virgin. She had waited all those years with only God to comfort her and keep her. She was as fiery and passionate as they come and had lots of questions, but would never cross the line.

This guy comes into her life and it's all storybook and fairy tale, for a while.After trying every available option, they found out they couldn't have kids...her, not him. She had survived much worse than being made brutally aware of her maternal limits. Not dwelling, they decided to adopt. The twins dropped into their lives as if they were left on the doorstep. There were no courts, fees or entanglements with the mother. It was never this easy...ever. God was still honoring her years of sacrifice. She even left her promising career to care for their new blessings.

He was alright at first. He didn't turn out to be able to match her concentrated, abstinence derived sexuality, but he was a husband and a friend. He had a good job as a state trooper and things seemed to go well. That is until he ran up on his own brother during a raid. He was never the same after having a shotgun pointed at him by blood.

The cops said he was a liability after that. He couldn't move or think fast enough anymore.

"K's" parents loaned 'em a chunk of change to go into the sod business.He flaked, leaving mom and dad in he lurch and became a truck driver. He promised to pay them back. That put him out on the road for extended periods of time, leaving her alone to raise the kids and take care of the house...until they lost it.

She and the girls had to move in with friends. This was excruciatingly humiliating for such a proud and independent woman. She knew God was still there, but she hated the storm and despised the valley. She had no way of knowing that she would still be in its midst 5 years later.

He got tired of trucking and decided to re-up into the military, moving half a continent away. She did the best she could and eventually found a rental property. To this day, she still has stuff in storage.When things improved (for him), he decided it would be best if she and the girls stayed where they were while he "worked things out." He had grand plans for putting things back right.

Her heart shattered like glass because she knew it was over. The years had taken a toll. Calluses had built themselves around her heart. He had changed
and love slowly seeped away, evaporating into the stratosphere.

Rumors began to circulate amongst his relatives that he had a child while he was out there. She confronted him.

He said it was true.
"I don't see the baby. She won't let me. It was an accident."

"I guess you just tripped and fell into her pussy huh?"

The words burned as they left her lips, and ripped as they left her heart. She felt like Nagasaki after the bomb, knowing that she couldn't biologically produced, knowing that he could...and did, while still married to her. All while she took care of the two they together brought in out of the rain. Now there was just her, while he lived the life.

By now, having lost the rental, she was in a hotel for the 6th month while waiting for a home of her own. Sorrow had never been so deep. At least she had a job. Other than the love of the twins and of God, she had nothing else. Satisfied that it couldn't get any worse, she bore down and muscled through.

Until one day, she found money missing from the account they maintained for household expenses and support of the children.

"She got a lawyer and went after me for child support. It's going to cost me $750 a month." he said.

"You took money from me and my kids to give to your bastard?!?! I got stuff bouncin' all over town and you didn't have the courage to even tell me!?"

"I'll make it up to you. I didn't know what else to do. Just give me some time to work this out. I'll double you up next month. you want to see a picture of the baby? Are you mad?"

The smoke tendrils were gone, and with them was his calm and reasoning. Only the cold blue steel remained. His conviction was co-forged with that metal. It was that which caused him to pick it up off the night stand. He felt its comforting weight, its old familiarity. His heart rate began to pick up as adrenaline surged through his arteries.

As he rose from his reclining position, stood, slipped on his shirt and tucked the piece into the waist band in the back of his slacks, he determined,

"Nobody messes with my blood..."and walked out the door.

Rom 12:19

©SojournerG 2007 All rights reserved


nikki said...

this had a noir feel to it. you did a great job of creating atmosphere and underlying sense of dread and retribution. love it!

Femigog said...

You know I am gonna confess that I rarely read this kind of literature. I read a lot of mythology and such. I am hooked SG! This was great and the tone has me on the edge of my seat!

Ramblings...acVernon Menchan said...

Wow, this kept me riveted...give us more...


David Sullivan said...

Nice start to the week!

BloggersDelight said...

Your writing is intensely emotional, Sojourner G. We continue to appreciate that you choose to share here at BD. Thank you again for your patience.

T-Mc said...

This was tight. I can't wait to read more.

Ms. Da-ish said...

More I need More, what is going to happen? I felt her pain this was really touching. if i was her, i would have shot his ass with that gun when i found out he took money from me to pay for his mistake. i'm not saying the baby is a mistake just his actions were a mistake