The Gift

It was a pretty normal night.
Well...maybe not exactly. You see we were in bed, sleeping as we do every night.

One of the things about me is that I don't mind a little cuddling, but when the sand man shows up, you need to spread out. I don't like to be touched or pawed or spooned or any of that happy crappy when I'm trying to get my sleep on.

I even have my preferred side of the bed. Standing at the foot of the bed, it's always the left side. I don't care where the door is. I don't care where the windows are. I don't care where the bathroom is. I don't care who has the clock. I'm most comfortable on my right side when I sleep. Being on the left side of the bed allows me to face away from the middle. The reason that's important is because she likes to face the middle (why I don't know) and when I inhale her CO2, I feel like I can't breathe. It may sound strange but it is what it is.

But last night was just one of those nights. It had been a long day for both of us and our schedules had caused us to miss each other the whole time. I had to go up to the church to help out with clean up day, then take kid #'s 2 and 4 to a game and a meeting respectively. She spent the previous night at a girlfriend's slumber party and had to take kid #3 to an appointment. And so the day went. In case you're wondering, kid #1 was doing his own thing.

By bed time we were catching each other up on the events of the last 12 hours. We talked while I absently typed on the computer and she looked through mail, washed her face and tied up her hair. By the time we turned the lights off, we were both dog tired, but had missed each other. Turns out that neither of us had the energy to make love though. If we had, it would have been one of those quickie things and I hate those. Well..."hate" is a strong word, because I've never hated any intimacy with her. I just prefer the long, slow, passionate...I digress.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, so I took up my customary position on my right side and she slid in behind me and molded her body to mine, matching my every angle. The skin on the top of her thighs were so warm and smooth against the back of my legs. Her generous bosom pressed firmly against my back. Her arm encircled my waist allowing her fingers to find mine and interlock them. It was a good, comfortable and companionable feeling, filled with the silence of security, love and affection. I snuggled back against her to let her know I was feeling her too.

After a little while, she would normally retreat to her side of the bed and I would half roll onto my stomach and give myself over to the stealthily approaching mist of nocturne's twilight. But tonight was different. Throughout the night I noticed that she was still there. Yes we shifted positions from time to time, but she never lost contact with me. Whether it was an arm, a leg, her head...her behind, she maintained contact with me all night. I normally will find a way to flee this type of thing, but for some reason last night, I didn't. I welcomed it. It was calming. Reassuring. Comfortable.

Inevitably, the sun began to break through the windows.
The birds began to sing.
I began to think about getting ready for church and getting the kids up.
Then my mind slid back to the evenings rest.

I turned back to my left as I rose off my pillow and said, "Honey you sure were affectio..."



She wasn't there.



She hadn't been there for over a year.

The memory of a single moment washed into my mind the way the tide returns to the beach:
Tearily lifting our youngest to place a single white rose on mommy's gleaming silver coffin as the sun broke through the trees and the birds sang...

I slumped a little as I sat on the side of the bed.



"Thanks for coming home to see about me Honey.
I guess I'll get ready for church now.
Come see me again soon...Ok?"

Rom 14:3

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